I am not sure of the purpose of this journal entry other than I need to vent and work through some frustrations. I really wish there was something you could take for frustrations that would make it go away. You know like you do with a headache…two aspirin and a little while later the dull throb is gone.
I am a brat, when I want something I want it right then and I do not like to wait. And I am no talking about buying stuff. I am very low maintenance, I don't wear jewelry or want fancy clothes. I am referring to when I ask for something to be done usually I mean right then. If I wanted it done later I would do it myself. No I don’t have patience with moving along slowly. Usually when I tackle a project I do my research and then I dive in head first. However, hubby is not that way it takes him a while to get up to speed. He is like an old work horse he will plod along and doing his thing no matter how much you push or pull him he is not going to go any faster.
I like to deal with everything at the beginning and iron details; he on the other hand likes to deal with matters as they come up.
This frustration of giving up control, I am this way with God too. I tell him I am giving a problem to Him and then a couple of days later I snatch it back. Many years ago I came in to possession of a little book mark. It had a poem on it about a toy maker. A child had broken a toy and he took it to the toy maker to fix it. The child would hand over piece after piece but never gave all the pieces to the toy maker at one time. The child became frustrated and snatched it all back and whined that the toy make would not fix the broken toy. The toy maker simply looked at the child and said “My son you never let it all go, so how could I fix it if I didn’t have all the pieces”
I feel like that child I want so bad to snatch everything back and go back to the way we have lived for 29 years. But then another part of me wants to hand everything over and stop being miserable.
Deep down I know this will not happen over night. It will take a while to break 29 years of bad habits and I want this to be hubby’s way of doing things. I just want to fast forward a little say 5 years J
I don’t know like I said I am confused. I guess my expectations and hubby’s ideas of how the show will be run are at different ends of the spectrum. I had hoped, no expected stricter rules and swifter punishment but….
I wouldn't wish a 5 year wait on you. But patience will be key. And if hubby did it exactly like you wanted it done who would really be calling the shots him or you?
ReplyDeleteNot enough can be said about communication as you develop your own personal dynamic that works for both of you collectively and individually. If you can wait until you're not frustrated for obvious reasons that would probably be best.
The less exposure he has to information about Dd the longer your wait will probably be. Consider talking about some of the blogs that you read and affirm "this spanking" as fair or understood or "that situation" as good and expected, so that he can get an idea of what you think without you telling him or overwhelming him with attitude.
Believe it or not, as great a gift as it is that you're offering him, it is still difficult for us guys to pull this off. I still feel reluctant (sometimes) and I'm the one who asked for the dynamic in our marriage!
"Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All you need is just a little patience"
Axl Rose 3:16
Annie
ReplyDeleteI get you, I am a lot like you it seems.
TTWD takes time! Rome wasn't built in a day!
In Romans 8:28 where it refers to "all things" this also includes things that try our patience.
Being a child of God myself...I know this --> To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. "When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better."
Patience is difficult. I am the type that always has to worry...if I don't worry, I feel like I'm not doing anything. Give this to God Annie. HE has really big shoulders.
I urge you to seek prayer about this! If you are taking control back from God...How will you ever be able to give control to your husband? GOD FIRST!
Surrendering...it's tough, I know.
Also refer to Matthew 6:31-33
All of this will fall in place I promise, in and with God's perfect will and timing.
Will be praying for you.
((HUGS))
Tammy :)
I know just what you mean. We're still in the honeymoon stage and I'm worried about what will happen when we hit a real conflict. Something I've noticed, though: a big issue for us was him forgetting to take out the trash (silly, huh?) I would nag, sulk, get snotty about it, and in return he would pull back from me farther and 'forget' to do it. Since DD, though, he's more on top of things than I am. By giving him respect as a man, as my husband, and as my HoH, he is assuming that role and its responsibilites with joy. His whole attitude is changing and he's becoming stronger and more in charge every day.
ReplyDeleteA good bit of advice I read once: Fake it til you make it! Maybe forcing yourself to behave submissively, even if you don't feel that way, will bring about the growth in authority that you're seeking in your husband.
Just having started CDD i have felt the same way you did. Just like B'man said if it was done the way we thought then who's still in control? It will come around slowly... I started Journaling so dh could read it. You could try that.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck
I doubt it will take five years, but it won't be tomorrow, either.
ReplyDeleteFrustration is part of the package as well as the journey.
You both will get there.
Yep, what everyone says is true. I know it's even hard not to brat just to solidify that he is really even willing to do this. Everyone said to me, be careful what you wish for, cause you may get it. They were right! JJ is progressing at a speed I NEVER thought possible!
ReplyDeleteLike B'Man said, have him read things. JJ prefers that I read them to him. He's tired of being at he computer at the end of the day, so when we are in bed at night, he doesn't mind me reading things to him.
Time. Patience. Patience. Communication. Time. It will all work out.
Kady
Welcome to the community. We're new to ttwd also. I know that it is frustrating when things aren't happening at light speed. It will be worth the effort it takes to allow your husband to work it out in his time frame.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I am trying to be patience and I am trying to keep the lines of communication open. This weekend hopefully we can carve out some alone time and have a heart to heart.
ReplyDelete