So hubby started boot camp off with a bang. He instructed me to dress in his favorite skirt and blouse and he took me out for dinner. He ordered for me and we had a lovely evening. He treated me like a queen. The rules are I am not allowed to touch a door outside our home, I can not order for myself I am to tell him what I want he will order for me and I am to stay beside him and hold his hand. He did give on this Saturday. We are getting ready to paint whole inside of the house in the next few weeks so I asked nicely if I could look at paint chips while he went to hardware to look for stuff he needed to hang a door. He agreed but said I was not to leave paint. I have a habit of saying I be one place but getting side tracked before I get there. Well not this time, I was still there when he came back. No closer to choosing colors than when he left. Saturday continued being good until that evening and things fell apart. He didn’t follow through.
Needless to say I wasn’t in the best of attitude Saturday night after he dropped the ball and Sunday morning got to a bad start also. Before I ever left the bedroom he accused me of slamming the door Saturday night. Y’all would have been proud of me I DID NOT yell, or pitch a hissy fit. I just looked at him and said, “No, I did not slam the door. Your actions last night spoke volumes so I shut the door with enough force that my reaction would be heard and understood.” For those reading NO I didn’t slam the door I pushed it to until it was about 4 inches from closing them shut it very firmly. There is not carpet in the hall and nothing on the walls to absorb the noise it carried rather well down the hall to the living room where he was watching TV. Then to make matters worse I had asked a son to empty the dishwasher Saturday night and it wasn’t done. I was still hurt about Saturday night, and round one in the bedroom and it just went from bad to worse when I went to get things ready for grilling out after we got home from church.
I almost didn’t go to church. The only reason I went is we joining the church after attending for a year we decided it was time that we moved our membership and become involved. By 10:00 though I was really to call the pastor and say “Sorry not today.”
I will the explaining of his side of the story to him.
Needless to say our boot camp got off to a good start then hit a brick wall. I can’t seem to get him to understand all I want is consistency
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this bootcamp experience requires a great deal of consistency. I'm not sure either you or he will be able to maintain it 100 percent.It's tempting to just give it up after one or two setbacks. Sometimes you just have to start up again on these kinds of things.
ReplyDeleteBTW, are you sure that wasn't a door slam? :)
Mick, we are not giving up yet. Still have at least 18 more days to go.
ReplyDeleteWhy do men insist on it being slamming when they can hear the door shut loudly? Yes Sir I am sure it was not a door slam. Slamming is swinging it shut from the fully open position with all your full body motion. This was a firm shut with just a flick of the wrist from about 4 inches. I promise there is a difference.
Okay, gotcha on the door slam thing. Sounds like whatever you call it, that he didn't like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in hearing how this BC works for you, and how you tailor it for the two of you.
And you don't have to call me sir until the Queen bestows a knighthood on me. (I think you were just kidding and so am I).
I hope you both have a much improved day.
annie ~ i know that it must feel like a huge let down after the anticipation was so high. but, like you said, there is still at least 18 days left. give hubs some room to grow in this too. remember, he is methodical and analyzes EVERYTHING ... this is a good thing when it comes to what is best for the two of you and your family.
ReplyDeletestay ready. :)
Mick, No he wasn't pleased although he did breathe a sigh of relief when I didn't go into hissy fit mode and simply stated that he his actions spoke volumes and the door was my answer. I did all of this without being rude, disrespectful or raising my voice. Although I was fighting back the tears. OK no more sir until knighthood...(yes I was just joking)
ReplyDeleteHidden - Yes there is 18 more days at least and you know as well as I do we are both out of our comfort zone and this is ALL new to us so we are basically flying by the seat of our pants. I am hanging in there and not giving up until he throws the towel in and there is on thing about hubby he does not admit defeat easily. I see this as a dry run for a real boot camp to come.
Annie,
ReplyDeleteAfter doing this for almost 5 years I have to say that the feeling he isn't being consistent is the hardest for me to deal with. It hurts my feelings if the truth be known, like I wasn't worth the effort. But over time I try to cut him some slack. I really think they are trying and it's a learning experience for them too.
Now as for door closing - if you are trying to live a true dd marriage I feel the wife needs to have a simple pressure relief valve. So I think the occasional slammed door should be overlooked - NOT that you slammed it in this situation of course.
Hugs,
PK
TTWD really has to be a two way street...otherwise it becomes This Thing I am doing and trying to drag you into. BUT...does he agreed he dropped the ball? Have you talked about it? I think communication is key, and neither of you will ever be perfect. I have learned the hard way that expectations most often need to be talked out, explained, understood. Perhaps he decided to do or not do for some reason? Maybe he just made a mistake. It happenS! Talk, forgive, learn from it, and move on.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I am brand new to your comment section...but what HAPPENED on Sat. night?
ReplyDeleteas SOON as you felt the closeness ( or control) slipping, why didn't you say something? Or maybe you did , and he ignored you or something...I'm confused honey...
DD (for us) gets me to an honest place, fast...and i think honesty is where all marriages want to go ( with civility, of course) No games, no pouts, no leaded silences...
I guess I'm repeating myself...because there are countless phrases for the hurt feelings and drifting apart we can do!
And , of course, maybe he never knew what he did or didn't do! At least not then.
Annie, I really hope i'm not sounding preachy...I've been married about the same amount of time as you have...and taking the time to tell them about hurt feelings, missed opportunities to build up instead of down etc...is not selfish...it's healthy...even when you're in boot camp and a trifle worried about trespassing on the HOHness of your beloved. it's such a journey--make all the mistakes you can on it, just to see what works!
with respect and affection for your honesty here...
laur
i know i shouldnt have laughed , because your post was not meant to be funny, but the door closing with just enough of a flick of your wrist , made me giggle.
ReplyDeletePoint is , as is said above something was not right for you this weekend and both of you need to talk , as mentioned above , otherwise groundhog day might occur.
i'm not in the same type of relationship as you (though MK's word is law) However i am allowed free time to speak if things are not right, which gives Him the option whether to change the way He does things next time or not.
Hugs.........grins again about the door, and adds a big thankyou for allowing me in your woodshed to give my opinion.
hugs and light
saffy
Annie~ Oh I can completely understand. I get my hopes up, my emotions rev high and my anxiety gets me excited and nervous for a upcoming spanking, and when it doesn't happen its a huge let down. My husband and I have had this discussion so many times I can't count them anymore. We just started our "booty camp" too and well this is the second time we've started it.. because the first time we made it 2 days and then I got the flu... and I was so dissappointed. So hang in there, communicate with your hubby, repectfully of course and let him know how it makes you feel when he doesn't follow through.
ReplyDeleteClosing the door hard may get his attention.. but if he was my husband he'd have no idea why I was really upset.. I usually have to say it clearly and spell it out exactly telling him I was hurt and let down because he didn't take the time to spank me... ya know? :-) Good luck!
PK - that is what I keep telling myself...he is new to this also. There has to be a learning curve. But you are right it did feel like I wasn't worth the effort. Which really wasn't fair because he had treated me like a queen up to that point.
ReplyDeleteLaur - basically he dropped the ball. He said we were going to do something and well he got "sidetracked" between the TV and the computer after waiting on him about an hour I went to find him, no I was not told to wait on him he simply said he was going out for a smoke - he doesn't smoke in the house- and he would be back well he never came back I found him on the couch watching TV, I was hurt I stood there 10 minutes and he never acknowledged me so I went back to the bedroom shut the door firmly and went to bed. 15 minutes later he came to bed and didn't speak, he knew I was upset and didn't address the issue which made me feel even worse.
Saffy - you are welcome anytime here anytime, and shame on you for laughing (LOL) I will probably laugh with you in a couple of weeks. I have free speech also. Actually our relationship really is very lax compared to some DD relationships. Hubby likes a little sass with his coffee :-) what he doesn't like is when I treat him like one of our boys. I don't think he wants to change anything about me just how I treat him when I get angry. I already fix his lunch, do his laundry, put him first in everything but when I get upset ... yeah it is a whole different ballgame, and he doesn't like that. I gave him control of the checking account because I was stressing out over it. Normally when we are out and about I would not have to ask for permission to go to a different area of the store but now during BC I do. Although I do like being with him and holding his hand. I hope that does not go away after BC.
Audra - you are correct, my emotions were rev'd high and I had my mind set that I was going to do this and then when it didn't happen it was like I was skydiving with out a chute. Normally me closing the door like that would only signal to him I was upset but he realized that he had dropped the ball and left me hanging. If he didn't Saturday night then he knew without a doubt Sunday morning when he accused me of slamming the door. However, I don't think he realizes just how bad it made me feel.
We will get through this and come out stronger on the other side.