I saw that question and it made me stop in my tracks and ask myself did it really appeal to me if so then how did it appeal to me.
I realized that I would never accept a discipline spanking for
the sake of the spanking and I would never accept a spanking from anyone but my
darling husband. I want it from my husband, because he is the only one whose opinion REALLY matters to me.
I love my husband more than life itself. We have been
married for 31 years and we dated for 2 years prior to getting married. I know
he loves me; however, there are times when I wish he was more invested in me,
us and in our marriage. I have been known to do things sometimes that
are...well that are just plain downright stupid, outright destructive and
disrespectful to us. (I know a shocker isn't it LOL.) When I do something
stupid I get angry with myself and my destructive behavior makes my blood boil.
I know he doesn’t like my actions any more than I do. I can see that it makes
him angry and frustrated. Sometimes he will even tell me that he doesn’t like it, but then he walks away from me. It is like it doesn’t
matter to him at all. To me that leaves things unresolved but he just expects
it to be over and done with. As an adult I know that’s how it’s supposed to
work. We all make mistakes and we should learn from them and move on. It's what
we teach our children – right?...learn from your mistakes.
But deep down inside there is this part of me that doesn't
seem to get it. I feel like it would be over if I could just let go but I
can't. It is like some dynamic is missing. I feel like I need something to mark
the end (no pun intended) to mark that's its over. A consequence that says DO NOT DO THIS TO US
AGAIN!!! I need him to care enough to do damage control. I need him to step up
and say "look what you did, look long and hard at it. This is what it
could do to us if you don’t stop. This is how you make me feel when you do
that."
I want him to care enough to bring the point home with a
punishment that draws the proverbial line in the sand and says it’s over, done
with and forgiven but don't cross this line again. I feel hubby should be able
to take any aggravation and frustration with me and turn it into a punishment
for me. Dump the whole thing back on my bare bottom so-to-speak. I feel like,
if he would / could do that then it would mark the moment of closure firmly for both of
us.
I feel badly when I do things that are destructive or counterproductive,
and I hate that the guilt lingers. It eats away at me and adds more counterproductive
behavior. It is a vicious cycle and at times I feel like some of it never
really goes away. It’s like we’re accumulating small bits and pieces of left
over hurt and guilt, and some day this pile of sludge is going to be so
unbalanced that it is going to topple over burying us under all the garbage ripping us apart in the process.
I don't how to express all of this to make sense. I just
feel like, that if he would just spank the living daylights out of me every
time I hurt him - hurt us, we could both exchange all the pain I have caused
for the fleeting moment of pain the spanking would cause. Then finally we could have a real closure and
move on.
*SIGH*
You specifically mention spanking, not merely discipline. Some husbands punish in other ways, such as leaving you to "cool off", think the situation through and feel his absence. It's sort of like being put in a corner for a time out.
ReplyDeleteIs it the pain, the sexuality of a spanking, the discipline or is it just that you want discipline on your terms?
I'm really not trying to be obnoxious, but curious as to why the discipline must specifically be a spanking in order to be effective.
I could have written this myself, especially the cycle of feeling guilt, which leads to more bad behavior. I think you expressed it very well.
ReplyDeleteDannah, for me, giving me a chance to "cool off" or think about it doesn't relieve the guilt. If anything, it intensifies it and then I get caught up in the cycle mentioned. I need a strong consequence (spanking) to be able to let go of the guilt.
Afterwards when he's comforting me and telling me it's forgiven, I can move on from it. I can feel at peace because I know he cares enough to redirect me when I get off the path we've chosen. I can get closure and feel like it's behind me (no pun intended). I hope that makes sense.
For us, spanking is a tool we use to clean the slate, well, at least when it's used for punishment. I can be very hard on myself and the guilt will almost eat me alive sometimes if I let it. With discipline I can let that go, feel as if I've paid the price for my behavior and stop beating myself up for it. It helps me to move on and gain closure instead of it festering and making things worse. Leaving me to cool off wouldn't work for me either, not as the only form of discipline. There are other things that might, but at this point we mostly use spanking as it works for us and really, that's what matters.
ReplyDeleteA naughty wife deserves to be spanked, so that is the reason your husband upturns you, raises your dress or skirt waist high, pulls down your bloomer's, and spanks you, on your bare bottom. That is discipline. He can also give you love taps, on that naked rear end of yours, for romantic purposes. I also find the spanking photo that heads this column and enjoyable one, for I like a woman dressed in a panty-girdle, whose straps, uphold her stockings. Most sexually, erotic.
ReplyDeleteThe post makes perfect sense. You feel the need for discipline so an issue can be closed and you're forgiven. Your husband doesn't feel that same need. It leaves you hanging. There could be many reasons. He may be too angry at the time, he doesn't like to punish, he figures you know you were wrong and feel badly enough without him adding to it. The only way to resolve this is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you've done this and he still doesn't react, try a different approach or just be resolved this is his way.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about your question today. So many answers floated through my head. We don't have a lot of disciplinary issues, but for me the idea of discipline make me feel noticed, acknowledged, cared for, and in general like our relationship and my feelings matter to him.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
I think you answer makes perfect sense, and those of us that live, or want to live, a Dd lifestyle can ALL relate to your feelings. You're not alone! Sara
ReplyDeleteI just recently found your blog and am all caught up; I've read all of your posts. :) My husband and I are also in a cdd relationship and I find a spanking brings closure and a tangible end to a problem. It feels like I am forgiven and I don't worry that my husband is still holding resentment.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand too. Makes perfect sense to me.
ReplyDelete"...it would mark the moment of closure firmly for both of us."
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how I feel is well.