Annie's Woodshed: Down for the Count but Not Out!

A True Wife

"A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love 'turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.' While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is nobles and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path. -JR Miller

Friday, December 3, 2010

Down for the Count but Not Out!

Well I have come to the conclusion that my husband does not desire to be the HOH that I hoped he would be and that breaks my heart to know his heart is not in this. But that does not mean I do not have to be a submissive wife. It is not his desire but it God’s command for me to submit to my husband.

So what is a wife to do when her husband doesn’t want to be HOH that she desires? Well (Annie smiles with an evil grin- bwaaaahaaaaa) I will probably regret this in the end (no pun intended) but I intend to get him on board and make him think it is his idea. I will defer the small decisions to him and then the big decisions will follow. I will strive to please him in every way possible.

I know you are probably wondering about the accountability and the disciple part. Well I am working that out as I go. I haven’t always told hubby everything I do wrong so I will have to become a confessor of sins. L The accountability will be in the list that I make and show him of what I plan to do each day, the meals I plan to serve and the weight loss goals I have set for myself. At the end of the week I will present him with my “to do” list with things checked off the weigh in weight each week. If he chooses not to discipline or to give praises then so be it. That will be on his shoulders not mine.

I just know I am miserable the way I am and only I can change. I desire to be the submissive wife that is what I am called to be. Whether my husband holds me accountable or not I will have to stand before the judgment seat and be held accountable for usurping my husband’s authority.

7 comments:

Annie's WoodshedDecember 3, 2010 at 9:21 AM
Just a foot note: If I am the one desiring change then as a submissive wife I should look for the change within and not force change upon him. He may not desire change and if I force it then I am not being submissive am I?
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Dragon's RoseDecember 3, 2010 at 6:43 PM
When I first started down the bumpy road of learning how to be a submissive wife, I wanted him to make me submit. That isn’t how it works at all. The submissive heart is yours. Pray for him. I use “The Power of a Praying Wife” as a guide. He will see a change in you and will slowly begin to change himself.

We can’t just demand that husbands stand up and take on the role of HOH. If you think about, that is feminism stepping in again. “I want it and I want it now.” “This is how it is going to look and this is how you are going to do it.”

Sorry. Nope. Doesn’t work that way.

First you submit, then he steps into his role. It takes time. He will step into his role. His way, not yours. You are in my prayers.
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Annie's WoodshedDecember 3, 2010 at 6:51 PM
Thanks Little Missie, I realized my mistake so I am starting again. I figured out I was still the one making the decisions for him. So now its me and GOD and some how or another I will work through this and it will be come a heart issue and not a head issue.

Stick around see what happens when a wife prays for her husband and how SHE is transformed! Because she can change him she will just change herself.
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Daisy ChristianDecember 3, 2010 at 8:23 PM
i think this is normal for most men...just work on yourself and pray and one day he might surprise you... i will pray too...just remember if we get upset because its not going the way WE think it should well that defeats the purpose
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AnonymousDecember 4, 2010 at 7:15 AM
Every woman who has blogged about this has been disappointed in the beginning because her man has not come as far as fast as she has. Then she's also impatient because he doesn't take hold and lead like she wants him to. And THEN, when he really takes hold, it's too much and the woman has to cope with the feeling of "I wanted this, but not THAT much.

The comments have been great and they're right. Submissiveness is a gift you give. It's important to keep saying what you need. And it's important to be patient. Men have been taught all their lives NOT to act this way.
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Annie's WoodshedDecember 4, 2010 at 10:03 AM
Thanks Daisy for joining me in prayer. That means a lot.

Mick, thank you so much ask your wife to give you a big hug. You are really amazing. Thanks for the insight.

To all of you, Thanks I am sure there will be more crying and venting here since this is my journal. I am sure there will be more posted here about the struggles I am facing.

Today I am up before anyone and already doing the laundry. I hate laundry so I put it off and he usually washes his clothes which makes me feel guilty because I know I should be doing it (I have a job outside our home and like to put things off at home until the last minute...bad Annie bad) but this morning I started with his clothes first. Hopefully I will have them all done and put away before he gets up.

This new leaf is shaky at best but it has been turned over. Wish me luck oh and keep a box of tissues handy we will need them.
(((((((Hugs)))))) to all of you and thank you.
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SheilaDecember 4, 2010 at 11:46 AM
Your attitude is a real credit to you and exemplifies what a HoH relationship is really about. You are focusing on doing your part without expecting 'repayment' from your husband, whether its flowers and jewelry or the strong HoH behavior that you desire.

Maybe if you asked for his guidance on small things, it would build in him the desire to provide that strong leadership in everything. I didn't realize how much I was used to making all the decisions without any input from J, from what to have for dinner to what car to buy. So now I ask: Is there anything you'd like for dinner? I'm thinking of changing my hairstyle - what do you think? At the same time, I'm looking for opportunities to do little things for him, like laying out his clothes in the morning while he's in the shower, or taking his boots off at night.

Good luck to you and your husband on 'phase II' of your journey!
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Colossians 3:18-25

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Colossians 3:18-25 ESV

1Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1Peter 3:1-7

Proverbs 31: 10-31

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31: 10-31 (ESV)

Annie's Woodshed