Annie has been asking me to write a post from my perspective on our bringing DD into our relationship. As she has previously mentioned, our marriage is fairly strong. (should be after almost 30 years) Neither of us are perfect but we've worked hard, watched friends in their marriages (and divorces) and tried to set an example for our children. I'm not sure what more to add from what she has already mentioned. Yes, I do like to get as much information about something as I can before jumping in. I do have a spontaneous side, but in something like this I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a passing fad.
I will start by saying that like many HOH's entering this area, I have some trepidation about hurting my wife. I have a very physically demanding job, so I'm by no means a weakling. Raising three sons isn't a cake walk either from the dad's point of view. Wrestling, all kinds of sports, etc. help keep me in shape.
So, when we got to the point that I agreed to this and decided to look for spanking instruments we, of course, had to go to the local home improvement store. I used to work for one of the larger ones so I kinda knew my way around. Wife had discussed and shared with me the idea of the LJ, but I wasn't quite sure about it. Let me just say, it works with little effort on my part. And as Annie has said, I prefer the small thin dowel. It can be quite effective with short quick strokes. She learned this a few days ago when I changed my technique. I consider it our "play" instrument. She may have a different idea about it though.
I will say that after much discussion and "practice" things around the house have changed, and for the better. I have had to put away my laziness from the past few years and really work at being an HOH, but it is something we are both comfortable with.
Finally, let me address something that I did worry about. When someone gives you full control over their life, many thoughts go through your head. I have had to re-visit Paul's description of marriage several times. It is too easy to abuse such trust and I have to remind myself that as husband, I'm to love my wife as Christ loves the church. He died for the church (us). And was I willing to put my life on the line for my wife? I have to say that at times it would have been a difficult decision, but now, I can honestly say that I would lay down my life for my wife. It is the least I can do since she's trusting me with hers now.
HOH, Paul
You are a good husband, Paul. I appreciate your Biblical stance in your marriage. I wish you and your wife well as I continue to enjoy your blog!
ReplyDeleteBob.
That's a pretty good word Paul. Thanks for voicing up. It's always nice to hear from the HoHs.
ReplyDeleteYou are a idiot and less of a man like all the other stupid men who hurt their wives. My husband also wants to be HOH of our marrige but I refuse to let him discipline me. It is not his right if I say it isn't. And since he wants to hurt me I don't know where our marriage is going. B'Man's wife should divorce his mean, arrogant ass. He loves hurting her. I would leave him since he forced me to take pain from him. Go to this blog: jdwlvsnpw.blogspot.com/?zx=1591cbc8d5b870cc I came across it by accident doing a search on blogs on marriages. He is a great man and I wish my husband would take some pointers from him. His wife is luckier than any of us other women. I think that is a REAL MAN no matter wat others think. He spends more of his time thinking of ways to make his wife happy more than he does anything and his wife has commented and I found his Facebook and got added as a friend and their friends compliment on how much in love they are. He never yells at her and will literally he said die for her. Any man who wants to hurt his wife is a wee little man in my opinion. And I was warned by a few people from the D&L forum that you guys who are in this life and do blogs rarely post a comment that doesn't agree with you. You only post comments that agree with what you say and I found someone and I called her out on the blog I posted here in a comment on how it's stupid.
ReplyDeleteH
Dear Anonymous, I thought long and hard before I posted your comment. I realized if I didn't post it I couldn't address some of the issues you brought up.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all my husband does not hurt me. As a matter of fact his spankings hurt less than the hurt look and the set of his shoulders when I have hurt him. Is he less of a man because he spanks me. No I think he is more of a man because he loves me enough to die for me. He loves me enough to correct me when I have stepped out of line. But I am guessing you are probably not a born again believer and are not aware of the rules we as Christians live under.
If you saw me on the street today or walked into my office you would never know I was spanked last night. You would see the peace and contentment on my face you would see a stress free woman going about her daily work. You would see a wife that is so loved by her husband that even snide hateful remarks like yours don't matter. Personally it sounds like you are jealous that we CDD wives are so happy and content it is just eating you up that you don't have a man that loves you like our men love us.
I tell you what after you have been married as long as we have and been down the roads that we have traveled and you are still married to the same man we will talk then. But that likely won't happen will it? Are you married? How many men have you been with? Is this your first marriage or what number are you own?
In my opinion if you are not man/woman enough to sign your name then you don't need to be posting on people's blogs.
Oh and the next time you post a comment on my blog and use foul language I will delete it in a heart beat. I do not mind comments that do not agree with our life style but I will not tolerate profanity.
Have a wonderful and blessed day Annie
@ H
ReplyDeleteIt is unwise to judge that which you do not understand. Those of us who practice CDD are not interested in causing pain. If you find DD blogs offensive I have a very simple solution for you. Don’t read them.
@ Paul
Thank you for letting us hear from another HOH. I am always a little relieved when I hear others share some of our struggles. I wish the two of you only the best.
Missie
HOH stepping in again... dear Anonymous, I read your comments, went to the blog you talked about and all I can say, is please read my post once again, this time a little slower. You will see that we've been married almost 30 (that's thirty) years as opposed to the other blogger who's only been married 2 years. Annie and I have learned much about each other over that time. Things your friends have yet to learn. Hurt my wife? NEVER! Ask my grown kids today if when they were disciplined growing up if I hurt them, and they'll tell you NO. There is a line between abuse and correction. I agree many people do not recognize it. That is why we didn't "jump" into DD. It was something that took several days, probably at least a couple of months of discussion, prayer, and research. Know that both of us will pray for you to find happiness in your own life. Also, I want to thank the ones for the positive comments as well. It is awesome to receive encouragement from others as well as criticisms. We should learn from both.
ReplyDeletethey have known each other for years, they said since they were kids. That's just as long as you and your wife. They claim they know each other inside and out.
ReplyDeleteHOH and Annie-- I am new to your blog, and I have undertaken to read them all from day one. The experiences and wisdom you two are imparting are so valuable. Your lives sound so similar to ours (christians, 20 years married, yet already in our 50s; 3 kids...). Your post was beautiful and I have copied it so that I can hopefully present it to my husband when I make my "full proposal" to him for a CDD lifestyle (next month maybe?). He will have issues, because he is a gentle, caring man, as I can see you are; and I am a strong-willed take-charge type of woman who wants to be taken in hand. It is so gratifying to understand there will be struggles and set-backs in this process, but that it will be worth it in the long run. At least I hope it works for us, because if this doesn't I don't know what's left! Keep writing and keep encouraging us out here!! I'm only in Dec. 2010 of your blog, so I look forward to learning more!
ReplyDeleteNow, for me to feel "submissive" enough to tell my husband about my blogging... and allow him to read it. Wow. That is a level a trust hope I achieve.