Annie's Woodshed: Needing my Prince Charming to be my Knight in Shining Armor

A True Wife

"A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love 'turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.' While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is nobles and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path. -JR Miller

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Needing my Prince Charming to be my Knight in Shining Armor

I know I didn't give y'all much details last night, I was too hurt and angry. Now I am just hurt in more was than one. Hopefully today's blog will explain things better. Thanks for all your encouragement and your good vibes. You guys are the bestest...

So last night I totally blew it. I am pretty sure I have set us back further than when we started. I pushed and shouldn’t have. I asked for a spanking and I could tell he really didn’t want to but like I said I pushed. I asked for a long hard one that would release stress and shed tears (I have had a horrible couple of weeks.) Well I shed tears ok not because of the spanking but because his heart wasn’t in it and I could tell he did not want this. I actually walked away from the spanking. He hurt me and I hurt him back.

It started out bad no warm up it was more like a punishment spanking than anything. I topped from the bottom and made a big mess. I said “Wait, can’t I get the hand first-don’t I get a warm up?” Did I stop there…NO…”I asked haven’t you read anything I gave you?” His answer is what sent me into a tail spin and caused me to walk away. I knew by his answer that his heart was not in it and no matter what he said he did not want this life style. Oh his answer was “Some of it but it has been a while”

I wanted to scream “SOME OF IT!!!!!!!!” “You have been lying to me this whole time you don’t want this you never did!!!!!!!!” But all I could do was mumble through the tears “never mind you don’t want this” He stormed in to the bathroom and I left the room to cook dinner. It was not a pleasant evening at our house and the morning wasn’t much better. He stormed around the house last night and finally I asked what was wrong with him, he said something along the lines of …“not a damn thing” Since I was on a roll and really didn’t care anymore I lashed out. I told him something was wrong that for the past 2 days he has been snappy and short with me. He said “oh I thought it was just the past 3 hours…it seems I can’t spank right, I can’t do anything right.” I told him it wasn’t that he was spanking wrong it was the fact that he didn’t want to spank. He said “Oh you got that did you” Yeah I did…it spoke volumes.

I am at a loss…what is a spanko to do when she is married to a non-spanko? The next move is his. All I know at this point is I can’t go back to the way we were I don’t want to be the one in charge.

What I need and want is my Prince Charming to be my Knight in shining Armor to fight for me even if it means fighting me.

11 comments:

PKAugust 23, 2011 at 1:18 PM
Annie I understand everything you're saying. When you are married to a vanilla it's hard to know when to push and when to hold back. We need this so much we can't help fighting for it. Do they get tired of hearing it? Probably sometimes but you know he loves you. Our guys have to be confused at time. I guess we have to give them space and hope for the best. They usually come around and try again.

Keep writing,
PK
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K's sweetieAugust 23, 2011 at 3:25 PM
I'm sorry Annie. I wish I knew something to say to make you feel better. Maybe if and when he sees how much this means to you, he will try again. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
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AnonymousAugust 23, 2011 at 3:43 PM
Annie,

This is the second time I wrote this comment. Somehow I lost the last one, lol!

Anyway, I wrote that I don't think you've blown it. Just make sure and talk to him when you're both calm and tell him what's really on your mind and in your heart.

Also, make sure he knows you absolutely respect him. If I show respect and submission to Daddy he showers love, affection and spankings(grin) on me.

Kitty
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SusieAugust 23, 2011 at 5:11 PM
Annie...don't think you know me. I'm new to the blog world and my hubby and I have only been practicing Dd for 8 months. We came to the decision mutually but it's been a long road. I wish that I had some time to read back in your blog to read your story, but can't do that today. It made me sad to read about the tough and painful spot that you're in. From the scriptures at the side of your blog, I'm going to assume that you two are on the same page as far as what the Bible says about leadership and 'living in understanding' on his part and submission and respect on yours. B/c I don't know you, I don't know if this will resound, so please just take it or leave it. Were I in this situation, I'd sit down with my husband and go back to basics. See what we agreed on in the dynamics of dominant/submissive roles. See if we agree on what scripture says. I think I'd leave spanking out of the conversation until we had that groundwork back down and were in serious agreement. From there, affirming his role and all the ways he IS good at it and how discipline can play an important role. I do know that for my hubby, finding his own way in this was much, much more important than anything he read. He made a commitment to it on his own terms and has grown from there, slowly at times but surely. Sorry...that was really long. I just was feeling for you and hoped it might be a bit helpful to say what I'd do. It will get better! Just keep talking and be gentle with each other.
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AnonymousAugust 23, 2011 at 6:01 PM
Annie, these things take lots and lots of conversation, even when you thought you said it all. He needs to understand what it does for you.

Perhaps you need to help him see what the payoff is for him.

This is one of the those bad moments that you'll get past and learn from. Hang in there.
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kiwigirliegirlAugust 23, 2011 at 6:29 PM
Annie, hang in there babe, i am sure you havent blown it. It takes lots and lots of time patience and communication - Lordy dont i know just how much. My hubby was a vanilla but slowly he is coming around to it. There have been times when I thought he just didnt get it, and it made me feel stupid and weird but then just the other day he said to me he has no idea what i have unleashed in him, he is always on the look out for a painful implement for me and he just cant resist swatting me every day all the time....they do get there....honest :) please hang in there....talk again when you are both calmer and you will see
love and hugs, kiwi xx
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Annie's WoodshedAugust 23, 2011 at 8:19 PM
Thanks for all the encouragement y'all. Today at lunch I pulled up the blog and let him read it. All he said was hum food for thought. We will see how it goes. We expecting out of town guest this weekend they are due to arrive tomorrow and will be here 5 days so there will be no "alone" time to discuss stuff this weekend not only that but it looks like we are in the path of a hurricane so we will be battening down the hatches and hunkering down. It is going to be an interesting weekend.
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RogueAugust 23, 2011 at 8:47 PM
I wish I had something insightful to say. Just know that I'm thinking of you and sending peaceful thoughts your way. Hang in there!
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kiwigirliegirlAugust 24, 2011 at 12:11 AM
good luck with the guests and the hurricane - look at it as a sign from above giving you both some space to "think", calm down and process properly so that you can talk fully with all the right words when that alone time finally comes along :)
keep safe from that hurricane and let us know how you get on.
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Dragon's RoseAugust 24, 2011 at 12:33 AM
The road to Spankoville is a "ruff" one. We have had a few bumps along the way. An ill tempered husband, issues that come between us and we have both been discouraged at time. This is about year 5 for us but only 1 year of DD. Don't push. Surrender. That is what finally did my Dragon in. He is hooked now.
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ElysiaAugust 24, 2011 at 9:12 AM
Annie, I sooo feel for you. I've been there many times. For the most part it isn't on my blog. Some days I just kept it to myself and hoped for the best. Other days, I wrote e-mail to friends. I didn't give up and I kept doing my submissive part as best I could. (It's hard without their dominant acts.) I think at first he thought that Dd was just a "passing fancy" of mine. Like many have said, try to keep the conversation going. Also, Mick's advice is very wise. I both showed my husband what is in it for him, and I respectfully reminded him (verbally) as well. At some point the choice is theirs, "this is what I give, and this is what I need from you". Don't beat yourself up. You're eager to get things going. I'm *still waiting* for some things. I try to note the progress we have made, but we still have growing to do. Every couple should go at their own pace. Try not to compare yourself to other couples in blogland. You'll get there. Here's hoping things turn around for you soon. -Elysia
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Colossians 3:18-25

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Colossians 3:18-25 ESV

1Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1Peter 3:1-7

Proverbs 31: 10-31

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31: 10-31 (ESV)

Annie's Woodshed